Raya has so many shade for me, one is being left by my daughter’s nanny. Few days before raya when everything’s going mad at office (or I can say shop and few more of my bussiness outlet) she said with light voice

“Teh, I would stay at my hometown for about 2 weeks since tomorrow”

and i just like numb and play deaf. like it or not once she go it’s up to her to comeback or not, so besides arguing i just shake my head as big yes to her wish and remind her to back on time.

This is probably my second or third Raya with my daughter, she’s actually an easy girl (if you can guess what she wants, or not leave her hungry nor sleepy everything under control). Me and my husband is well adapted since Mbak never been featured on our travel everywhere (she has terrible carsick) so traveling with just three of us is not really matter for me. Foremost my husband is one of most understanding husband ever, he doesn’t mind help me with my daughter except in some cases sensitive (because they have opposite sex).

So 14 days without Mba is going fine for few days (thanks god my sister’s nanny have super short holiday during raya and doesn’t mind to look after my daughter for few days until mbak coming) I feel really helped by her. Everything’s going smooth in shops and even i can blog during my free time.

Finally at day 13 i call Mbak to confirm her arrival since i have few meeting to catch and it’s hard to do if i have no definite person to take care my daughter ( I can’t go too far). This is perhaps my (i even not count it anymore since too many i do call her) call and text that always been neglected by her.

At the night when she finally pick up my phone she told me that she couldn’t make it because her mother refuse to take care of her daughter and insist her to stay.

I was just “yeah i know it’s gonna come!”

With deep dissapointment i try to do my last trick (and i have no more idea how to figure it out another way). I give my phone to Freya and ask her how she felt when Mba gone, she smoothly replied

“Gapapa, ada mama ada papa” / “It’s ok there’s still mommy and daddy”

and i was just shock and my heart fill with so many emotion.

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Bye mba…Finally they have to say goodbye without met.

My daughter always have that energy to support me (and her papa) no matter what, i don’t know where she got it but i thank god for that. She always remind me I am her center of world, and she will be oke if she’s with me. So i give up and grant Mba’s wish to go. Actually i would be very appreciate her if she could help me for one or two months until i get new nanny. But yeah everyone has their own situation to handle and i choose to understand rather than have that grudge.

So after having that phone call moment i make a plan, how to survive fulfill my duty while adapt on my new routine (without mba around) i have to proof my daughter right. She always can count on her parents. Little much i learn how she eat at noon, what time she wants to go back to sleep for her nap, what cartoon she love the most and what nail polish she insisted to repaint several times on her finger.

I reflect my journey on raising my baby, so many times i have broke my own heart to give her to another hand just to fulfill my other’s duty. When my daughter sleep i look at her face and see that she won’t be kid forever, there will be time she grow up, love hanging with her gal friend better than her mother or perhaps having that privacy territory around her room (it’s bit creepy actually to imagine now, not cool). But yes she will grow up and I have to accept it.

Raya is like big report for me, like end of semester in school. Time when people start everything new after asses some point on many parameter of their report. My report this year perhaps getting better than last year. I need to work smarter than before and spend more quality time with my daughter. She need to have best children memory i could make. I know god knock me down to destroy the old me so the new me will come eventually.

I change. My priority change.

Love,

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